I do hate dr's sometimes. Here's the deal. When they did my first hCG levels and then my second one and confirmed the m/c, the nurse at my OB's office told me I was okay to go ahead and ttc again. She said that if my body wasn't ready then I wouldn't ovulate, so there was no harm in going ahead and trying (she seemed to think I wouldn't ovulate this month I guess). Well, I went ahead with my charting and DH and I had one last session before he left for Greece, and wouldn't you know I got my temp jump 2 days after he left, meaning of course that I O'd the day after he left. So pretty good timing really for catching that eggie.

So, after 3 days of sustained high temps this week, I started to get a little worried and called my OB. I had a bunch of bloodwork run in Dec. and wanted them to double-check that and make sure there was nothing in there that would indicate a problem should I happen to conceive again. She checked and said all that bloodwork was normal, but that my progesterone levels were way low at my first hCG draw (1.5 when they should have been at least 15). For that reason she said, Dr. would want me to wait 3 more months (not counting this month) and run more bloodwork before "allowing" me (love that terminology) to ttc again, and then he would want me on a progesterone supplement from 2 days after O until AF showed, just in case. I told her that I had already O'd and could in fact have already conceived in theory, and she just told me too bad, he won't prescribe anything for three months!

I know that the (medical) jury is still out on progesterone supplements, whether the pg was doomed and therefore the progesterone level was low, or the progesterone level was low and therefore I had a miscarriage... but still, that attitude just killed me! They told me just 2 weeks ago to go ahead! Well, to make matters worse there are only 3 OBs in this town and 2 of them are not taking new patients, so it's not like I can just go somewhere else for a second opinion. So I guess I'm forced to wait and see, let nature take its course, and feel like I did something wrong for doing what that dumb nurse told me to do!

Well I did some research and did find out that you can buy progesterone cream otc, but I just don't know if that's a good idea or not. I can't find anything that says what the potential side effects might be if you don't need it. I emailed DH and told him what the dr had said and he responded with "Do you think it's safe to be pregnant now then?" As if there is something I can do right now besides wait and see. I'm 6dpo currently, and don't know whether to be hopeful we caught it or we didn't.

I guess all I can do is wait... some more... grrrrrrr... Really upset with that nurse at my Dr's office though.

In other news, teenager is definitely over his flu and is going back to school tomorrow. That tamiflu is good stuff. The cat really misses the baby, they usually chase each other all around the house and the cat is driving me and teenager crazy chasing us everywhere lol! Teenager is taking pity now and is aggravating cat half to death.

Talked to DH who would like us all to move to Greece right now lol. That just isn't happening for several more years! He's really hating the idea of leaving again though. He said ds3 is being a very good boy there and isn't shy or afraid anymore. He's giving everyone hugs and kisses and speaking Greek very fluently. He also said he cries out for mommy in his sleep a lot of nights . I was thinking how much I miss him and all the funny things he does and says. Me and ds1 (teenager) got to laughing so hard earlier thinking about some... if you hold up any amount of fingers and ask him "How many is this?" he says, "Teenty-nine!" I don't know where in the world he picked up 29, but that's how many there are! Yup, I'm missin my boys!

Well, better get to bed early tonight, I'm dead tired and have to work late tomorrow night. Thought I'd stay up late so I'd be more inclined to sleep in (and therefore stay up later) tomorrow, but I'm beat.

Before I got my message posted! Thankfully I copied it first, so here we go:

Well, I tried to call dh yesterday as planned, but he had already left for his night out and I got my FIL instead. FIL doesn't speak English at all, and so I got to practice my Greek quite a good little bit. Usually I have a difficult time understanding him as he speaks very fast, but I was actually able to understand him yesterday! Woohoo! He reports that ds3 is a very good boy, and that he loves meat and potatoes, and has been going to the park every day and they just love him to death. I'm glad they're enjoying him. Does my heart good, and helps to not be so jealous that I'm stuck here working every day while they're off enjoying themselves in Greece.

My chair at work today is broken, and it feels like I will fall over backward in the floor at any second. That would be funny. But today when I get off at 3 I won't have to be back until tomorrow at 3, so it's almost like a day off (I'm trying to convince myself).

So anyway, this afternoon as soon as I get home from work I get to call DH and ds3 and hopefully actually talk to them. Actually ds will probably be sleeping since it will be like 10:30 at night there. But it will be good to talk to dh and get the full report of how everything is going. Looks like (from his latest email) the passport will be ready on Wednesday, so they should be good to come home on Friday. Woohooooo! And then of course I'm off work the weekend again, but it won't be anywhere NEAR as peaceful as the past few days have been . I'll be happy to have my chaos back.

Still looking forward to my massage on Wednesday, that will be nice ideedy! And on Thurs. my teenager goes for his counseling again. Which is good because he has to visit his dad again on Friday, so maybe the anger management will still be fresh in his mind.

Well, better go and get some work done, almost lunch time around here.

Well, had yesterday off but I had one sick ds (the teenager) who had to be home from school with me. So I didn't have the day all to myself as planned, but it was nice anyway. We played monopoly a large part of the day, something we usually have a hard time doing because of other demands on my time (read ds2, ds3, dd, and dh lol!). Ds2 and dd were having a great time with their dad and he was taking them shopping and they wanted to stay, so I let them. They'll come back on Friday with everyone else.

Dh sent me an email to let me know things are not going as planned in Greece and he's having some difficulty getting his passport on time. If everything goes according to plan and on time (should note that most things that involve the Greek government are NOT on time lol) then he will get his passport back on Friday, which is the day they are scheduled to leave. So I won't hold my breath for them to be back on time, but I'll be hopeful.

Tonight I'm making chicken and dumplins, which only me and ds3 like, because there's no one here to complain about them! We love them but if I cook them then I usually have to make something else too for everyone else. Tonight I can make only ONE dinner and still eat yummy chicken and dumplins. The teenager did mess the house up, though, so I no longer have a nice clean house.

Thinking I'm going to lay down for a little nap; I'm exhausted from working so early today. I'm used to working the evening shift for so long, and it is HARD to get up at 5:30 and get ready for work! Ah well, only one more day of that and then I'm back to my evenings for a while. And I've got a magazine layout to finish sometime before Wed... I think I can get that done if I can just get the computer to cooperate... that's a big IF though.

Still haven't gotten used to the minivan, and in fact today I took the honda! Drives like a boat that minivan! It will be nice for the kids, but it is not fun to park in the hospital parking lot at work. The Honda is much better for that, it will fit anywhere! With the van I'm driving around and around trying to find a spot that I feel comfortable trying to pull into (don't want to repeat that first night scenario ha ha).

Anyway, I'm off to nap for a while, because I can!

Today it's really hitting me how very empty my house is lol. I got up and straightened up all the toy messes that I'd been putting off for the past two days, cleaned the bathroom, the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, dusting and everything... And it's only 10:30! I don't have to work until 3:00 and I'm wondering what in the world I'm going to do with myself all this time. Oh, and I made some tzatziki. At least I'll have something yummy later. I guess I need to make a list for the store, there are some things I really need.

I can't imagine what I'll be like this time next week! I read a book last night, with no interruptions and no one tearing the pages out! And I left it on the coffee table when I was finished! I need to make a trip to the library. And I need to work on my teenager's room since I never go in there. It really needs a good dusting/mopping/straightening. He's responsible for his own room, but he doesn't bother with the small stuff. He doesn't do too bad with keeping it picked up though.

I've had take-out every meal so far (I'll probably gain 10lbs lol) so no dishes to worry about. I hate dishes.

Well today I guess I'm just a little lost and haven't quite figured out what to do with myself yet. I'll get there... eventually... probably about the time they get back!

I got to talk to dh and ds this morning, and they landed safe and sound. They were having a good ole time and dh reported that ds did very well on the trip. Apparently he got very, very scared going through that little tunnel to get on the plane, and very, very freaked out by take-off the first time. I can only imagine, poor little guy!

My in-laws were VERY pleasantly surprised, and are enjoying their little grandson for the first time since he was 7 months old! I'm glad they're able to have this opportunity, I know they miss him terribly. And Dh reports that ds is speaking Greek as if he's lived there his whole life. Amazing. Dh has always only spoken Greek in the house, and I try to speak only English so he will hopefully categorize and separate the two. But usually he speaks much more in English than in Greek although he understands either equally well. So it's good to know that in a Greek environment he can actually speak his mind too. Dh and his family were very worried about that since we're living in an English-speaking environment.

Ordered wings and nachos from BW3s for dinner, yummy! This whole not cooking thing is working out pretty well for me! And I have some leftovers for the dog (since I still haven't made it to the store for dog food ). Dh swears he will come home to a dead cat and dog because I won't feed them. I told him I've had those animals much longer than I've had him and they survived before he came around.

Tomorrow starts the serious spring cleaning. I don't have to work until 3, and have nothing to do before that (other than go for some dog food of course)... i have some serious deep cleaning that needs to be done and is usually such a chore because of my "helper". I'm thinking now is a GREAT time to get all that stuff done, like taking all the things off the mantle and cleaning them... usually I can't take them down because he has them as soon as they are within reach (while I'm grabbing the cleaner or something lol). And I'm going to go buy one of those Glade scented oils candles! I've been wanting to see if they're any good for a while, but rarely burn candles with so many kiddies around. Just doesn't sound that smart...

I got another order from my OB and have to have one more set of bloodwork done. I thought I was done since my last result showed a "4" but apparently he wants "0"... Oh joy. I have to do that tomorrow. Always something to remind me, and the job really doesn't help. Tonight a girl I used to work with at my last job (6 months or so ago) came in for the same thing. I felt so bad for her because I *know* what she's going through really sucks. And I told her so. She also has to repeat weekly until she gets to 0. And then I had a maternity come in who had to be transferred out due to partial placental abruption. Her poor parents and husband were scared to death, she was only 31 weeks. She had to go by life flight somewhere that has a NICU, about an hour's drive from here. I hope they are okay.

Things like that get to me on this job, though. Sometimes I care too much and I can't separate myself or my feelings from my patients. I guess caring too much is not necessarily a bad thing, but I have to somehow learn how to let it go sometimes. Gotta work on that, but first I'll have to figure out how lol.

Well I'm dead tired since I couldn't sleep again last night for pacing the floor and worrying, so hopefully I will pass out early tonight (after I get home of course). Now I know they are there and safe and having a ball, I can relax and enjoy my serenity. Hopefully. Hopefully the silence doesn't drive me insane!