I was about ready to drift off to sleep when lo and behold from ds3's room I hear the worst scream ever. I jump out of bed and fly through the hall (nearly killing myself on teenager's laundry) and before I even get there I can smell it... chocolate milk puke. Poor little ds has vomited all over himself, the bed, the floor, the pillows, his Blue's Clues doggie, everywhere, and it all smells like chocolate milk puke. For those of you who might have never experienced the wonder of chocolate milk puke, it is the worst smelling substance known to man, honest. Smells like sour chocolate milk kind of, but it permeates everything within a 20ft radius.

Poor little ds was so upset and just screaming his little head off, and hubby finally made it upstairs to see what all the fuss was about. He set about cleaning up the bed while I started working on the babe. Brought him downstairs (after his bath) and laid him on the couch with me (towel handy) and there we went with round 2. Thankfully I'm very experienced at puke catching (because he is my fourth child after all) and was able to contain all but a little of the horrid substance in the towel. He did need a new shirt though, and so did mommy.

Well now he's decided that he wants nothing to do with Mommy and he wants to sleep with daddy, and really who can resist that sick little cry. I'd give him the moon if he asked like that. So now he's upstairs with Daddy in bed, and Mommy is up blogging because I *know* that Daddy is not an experienced puke catcher. Poor Daddy was like "Please don't make me do this, you catch it so good!" with that petrified look in his eyes, but alas little ds wanted nothing to do with Mommy. So off they went. I hope they won't be back tonight, I hope all the chocolate milk is out of his system and he will sleep peacefully until morning. Somehow I'm doubting it though.

I also worked 12 hours today, so I'm dead tired so I suppose it's just as well that Daddy is on puke duty. My mom told me yesterday when I picked the kiddies up that my nephews and niece had been sick and she hoped mine didn't catch it. They were all sick overnight night before last, I guess it's a fast-acting bug! One was up all night vomiting, one was just nauseated and never puked, and one threw up one time and was done. And the fourth never caught it (at least not yet). So now I guess it will make the rounds at my house, oh joy. It's always hardest with the little ones, though, they never know what hit them. At least the older ones are big enough to understand what's going on to some extent. Poor little ds3 just freaked out.

Well I'd better go try to sleep while I can I guess, it might be a rough night.

Well the last few days have been a whirlwind to say the least. On Sunday, I got up and took a $ hpt for the fun of it, and to my surprise it turned up with a (very light) second line! I was only 9dpo so definitely not expecting anything just yet! Monday morning I got up and tested again, and got a slightly darker but still faint second line. So I started to freak a little bit, and called my OB to see if he would check my progesterone since it was very low when I m/c in Feb. He faxed me an order to work, and I got the results Monday night (thankful I work in the hospital and don't have to wait for results!). Hcg was 52, and progesterone an acceptable 17.84.

Of course I had to wait until today to repeat the betas and make sure they were doubling like they are supposed to, so I got my order and took it to work and did it this morning. I fully expected a # slightly less than 100 since it hadn't been 48 hours (more like 35) and doubling times are supposed to be 48-72 hours. But today's # was 144! Well now of course I'm worried that they doubled *too* fast ha ha ha, because it was only about 35 hours between bloodwork which made for a doubling time of not quite 24 hours. But for now I'm not going to worry about it, instead going to get back to enjoying every single moment of pregnancy. No symptoms to speak of yet, just very tired of course. Dinner did make me a little queasy tonight, though, so maybe the nausea is kicking in. I so hope this one sticks!

I fear I might have to start searching for a new pediatrician. I've been with this one since teenager was born, even scheduling check-ups around visits home when I lived 7 hours away (I did have a ped there, just used him for emergencies/illness mostly), but lately something is not the same. He got a partner several years ago, and I do not like the partner at all. It's usually not a problem, as they will let you schedule with whichever dr. you prefer unless your child is sick, then you have to take what is available of course.

BUT, last week I received in the mail a bill from 1999 for vaccinations on my ds3 who was born in 2003! These are also vaccinations that my insurance paid for, in full. Then I got a call from teenager's dad that they sent him a bill for his visit last month, which my insurance also paid in full. And then another bill for my 5yo which was also paid in full by my insurance. I have no idea what is going on with them, but I intend to call today and see what I can find out. I'm certainly not going to pay bills that have already been paid, and I'm definitely not paying a vax bill that doesn't exist, couldn't possibly exist!

Teenager has calmed down quite a bit. I sat down and talked with him and told him he had the choice to be treated more like a child, or more like a young adult, and his actions would dictate how I treated him. He came up with a game plan (on his own!) of things he will do to insure at least "C"s this 9weeks, and agreed to getting his assignment book initialed by his teachers every day so he will know exactly when things are due and what needs to be done for the following day. It was nice to see him at least acting like he cares and coming up with a plan to improve things. He wants to run track next year, but he will not be allowed with the grades he has now! So hopefully he'll keep on track with little prodding.

His next counseling session is Monday which will be good because he has to spend this weekend at his dad's. And it won't be a fun weekend for him once his dad sees his report card. But for the moment at least he seems to be okay. He's such a good kid and I hate to see him going through all of this.

Let me preface this by saying that I woke up at 5 this morning with a horrible migraine which has only gotten worse as the day wore on. I had to work with said migraine, and was only looking forward to coming home, drugging myself, and sleeping.

About 3:00 (right after school), teenager calls me at work and wants to go over to a friend's house for a few hours. Fine, I tell him he can go until 7:30, at which time my mom will pick him up and take him home (I was to get off at 8:30 and wanted him home by then). He got upset, said that wasn't long enough, etc. etc. but I had a patient walk in and he hung up on me when I told him I had to take care of the patient.

I called back a little later and we talked and he told me that he wasn't planning to go to said friend's house until 6:30 which was why he was upset to have to leave at 7:30. Sidenote - this is also a friend that I do not necessarily approve of, who smokes (who knows what else) and that I generally only let him see if they are at my house and i am at home. Well, I told him I'd pick him up when I got off at 8:30 since I was dealing with a migraine and didn't want to be out driving later than that.

A little later my mom called me back and said that another mom had offered to bring teenager home at 10:00 when she went to pick up her child (apparently they were all meeting at friend's house tonight). I said that would be okay, so long as he had a ride. Well, 10:05 he calls and says that friend's mom has been delayed and he will now be 11 or 11:30 getting hom. I told him hubby would be there in 5 minutes to pick him up. He was livid and had his little temper tantrum, wanting to stay with his friends, etc., but I sent hubby out the door and told him to get ready.

When he came home he just went straight to bed after a minor hissy fit, but did give me his report card first. It was atrocious! 2 C's 2 D's and an F. For the past 3-4 weeks, I've been making him get his assignment book initialed by all his teachers so that I know exactly what he needs to do every single night (because he wasn't turning in homework before). Now the one class he has an F in is the class that never has any homework, not to mention that the homework has been done so it's pretty obvious that he's not doing his work in class even! I've had countless meetings with his teachers, and they all seem to agree that teenager is under too much stress from the custody crap and that he uses his grades (or lack thereof) to get to his dad because it is one thing that he does have control over. I cannot go to school and do his work for him. However, this is a catch-22 because my lawyer has informed me that poor grades/not completing schoolwork is the one thing that might persuade a judge to take him away from me and place him with his dad. I just cannot make him understand that by not doing his work he is hurting no one but himself.

So now I am between a rock and a hard place. Do I put him under even more stress and ground him for the rest of the school year (since there is only one 9 week period left)? Reasoning hasn't worked, talking hasn't worked, doing homework hasn't worked, what will work? His counselor doesn't want any more stress in his life (I agree) but what am I to do? He's certainly old enough that he can accept the consequences for his actions (14) but I'm afraid that if those consequences mean going to live with his dad it will break him. He has already said that he will not, he will either kill himself, his dad, or both. Here's a poem he wrote about it:

I'm so tired of all the fighting
Between my family.
It makes me so mad, it seems like no one cares about me
It's all about the money
Tonight, I felt suicidal.
We got the new proposal and I'm afraid he may take me away.
He won't, I won't let him.
Either he will die or I will, drenched in his own blood.
One person keeps me from ending my pain
That person is my girlfriend
At least she still loves me, so I'll stay on this earth for her.
No one's anger in the world could come close to mine right now
The only hate greater than mine is Satan's
And I'd say I come close.
This worthless, pathetic excuse for a father, my DAD,
doesn't deserve to live in this pathetic earth.
One day he'll see, I'll rid him of this world.
Let him burn in hell with Lucifer himself
Let him be whipped and cut open over and over again
Let him lie there, almost dead, soaking in a pool of his filthy blood
Maybe then he will realize the pain he has caused me.
Let him feel the pain 1000 times worse.

Not the kind of thing you want to see in your teenager, ya know? I just don't know how to help him... I can't let him just do what he wants just because he's in a rough spot. If anything it's more reason to keep a close eye on him because he's very vulnerable right now. His one wish he listed in counseling? To have his dad out of his life for good.

What to do, what to do... any good advice out there?

Well I'm back to the waiting game and trying to convince myself that I like this because it gives me hope and keeps me going. I'm so not convinced. O was on St. Patrick's Day, that has to be lucky, right? And another December baby would be lovely! I'm always so hopeful during these 12-13 days. This time is no different. And yes, I'll obsess over every single twinge, every "symptom" no matter how small or insignificant it might seem in hindsight.

Hubby finally gets paid next week, so maybe we can actually have some $$ again! It has been a really tough month! I don't make nearly enough to keep the household going, not even close lol. But I work more than twice as many hours as he does, not to mention that I have an MA and he has a HS diploma. Disheartening I tell you! I am totally in the wrong line of work! I'm off today, but tomorrow it's back to the ER for me, oh joy! I'm sure there will be some fun stories to tell after that. Actually this schedule has a lot of days with me in the ER. It's a nice change of scenery though, keeps me from getting bored.

The kiddies had a snow day yesterday (jeesh come on it's SPRING!) but I had to work all day. BUT Hubby had a snow day too, so he got to stay home with them all day! My house is destroyed today, so guess what I'm going to be doing? That's right, lounging on the couch and making him clean it! I might cook dinner if the spiders don't attack again.