So one of the pulmonologists came in to check on me and give me their perspective for the day. I'm not happy, and I almost lost it. For the first time, this guy (new one that I haven't seen this particular hospital stay) tells me that the preliminary biopsy report from OUR hospital are back, and they simply show lung disease of unknown etiology. He then proceeds to tell me that 90% of the time, the mayo clinic results mirror our results, and that chances are when the biopsy report comes back, this is what it will say. Lung disease of unknown etiology. Of course I immediately started wondering what the hell I put myself through all of this for, we already knew I had lung disease of unknown etiology!?! And I do declare if that's all I get from all this... I will need some serious drug therapy to keep from losing my mind. Indeed.

I will need more than drug therapy. If I've put myself through all this pain, suffering, being away from family, fights with hubby, hardship on my parents to help me with babysitting, money lost, time lost, OMG and all they tell me is that we're where we started and still don't know anything... yeah. What gets me is the fact that this has not been mentioned as a possibility really until now. So I'm remaining optimistic that it's a remote possibility and really won't happen. They will have an answer next week! I asked the guy what happens if there's no answer, and he says we just keep treating like we have been which means I'd be living the rest of my life like this? Flare ups and hospitalization every few weeks to a month? I don't think I can live like this!

Well, I think for now I will push that idea to the back of my mind and try to remain optimistic that we will have an answer as to the cause of all this sometime in the very near future. I'm quite aware that it might not even be a good answer, that it may in fact be bad news, that it might be devastating... however, I think to live like this and not know is just as bad if not worse and I really need to know what's going on in there.

So, as it stands right now, chest tube is coming out tomorrow (hopefully, I hate this thing!) and I'm going home Monday. Biopsy results will be in next week sometime, and I will have an answer! So there.

I have one cute little surgeon that I adore, and at least he is thinking. There's also at least one pulmonologist that I adore, but today's subject is the cute little surgeon. He's not the one who placed my chest tube, but he's the one I spoke to before surgery and he's the one on call this weekend. And according to him, the chest tube is not ready to come out just yet, but maybe we can do it tomorrow. This is actually fine with me, I'd much rather err on the side of caution and not be taking this thing out too early again. It wasn't fun getting it put back in, so let's just leave it until we're sure it's done its job and THEN we'll take it out. And THEN we'll talk about going home.

So that's the update from today, for now. I don't think my pulmonologist will be happy, seems like they really want to get me out of here. Thank goodness for cute little surgeons with half a bit of sense who don't send people home too early. He says he likes to observe for at least 24 hours post-chest tube removal, so we're looking at taking the tube out tomorrow and going home Monday. I can live with that.

My breathing and pain are also worse this morning, and the chest xray showed a little increase in the infiltrates in my lungs, so I don't know what's up with that. I just know I don't feel ready to go home and I was scared that they were sending me today. I'm glad they're not.

Also had a huge fight with hubby where he doesn't seem to get that I'm sick and was all about his work next week, but I think he finally got it through his thick skull and will be available to help me. Well, I know he's not happy about it (the shortened working hours) but he rearranged his schedule so I guess he is listening on some level and considering what i'm saying. That'll have to do for now I suppose, what more can I ask for? He'll be in to visit after while and maybe I can determine then a little better where he's coming from.

They're getting ready to come get me and walk me around the hallway for a while. SEe if they can get my pulse ox down to 88% so I can qualify for home o2. I don't think it will be a problem. I'm in a lot of pain this morning but my nurse said it's because they had the chest tube clamped for the xray and it will start to improve now that it's unclamped again. I didn't know clamping a chest tube would/could increase pain. I felt horrible again in the morning, nausea and pain and just yuck, but I'm feeling a little more human again now. Just worried as usual and hoping the breathing improves.

That's all for now... I'm sure there will be more updates later, I'm too bored to not type!

Maybe, possibly, potentially, I might just be going home tomorrow. There's a chance. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm happy of course, but I'm skeptical as well and hope it won't turn into another episode. The bad thing is that hubby was here when the dr. came in today to talk about sending me home, and dr. said to hubby, "She can go home and resume her normal daily activities, she doesn't really need any restrictions." That's too bad, as I probably really could have used some restrictions.

ON the bright side, 3 are still gone to dad's house, and that only leaves 2 at home. And my mom is going to take care of those 2 next week while hubby is at work. So really I will only have to deal with normal daily activities, such that a normal person might actually do, and I might actually be able to function; we'll see. THat upstairs only bathroom has me worried, but I'll navigate it one way or the other.

Right now I'm still on the chest tube and the dilaudid pca, not to mention I can't breathe without the oxygen tube. Go figure. Sometimes I don't know what the hell they're thinking. SO yeah, I'm anxious to go home but I've done this before and I'm not in a hurry to get there before I'm ready. As much as I dislike the hospital and especially those damn beepies, I'll be happy to stay as long as necessary to get well before attempting to get back to life. I have until the end of August before I'm really needed anywhere.

Oh, and now they're saying the biopsy results won't be ready until Monday or Tuesday but since I won't be here and they won't tell me over the phone I'll have to wait until my next appt with my lung dr. Which will either be next Wed. or one week from next Wed. depending on what his office has available. THe one I see only has office hours on Wed. and it's harder than hell to get an appt with him. I'm supposed to call on Monday and say it's "emergent" - didn't work before but maybe they'll have a cancellation and I'll get in next week. So I guess it will be a while before I have stupid biopsy results. I wish they'd hurry up already, how long does it take to look at a freaking specimen under a microscope? They're driving me crazy!

Today I ate like a freaking pig and I'm sure I've gained back 12 pounds in junk food but that's okay! I had corn dogs (my favorite, loooooooooooove them dogs), funnel cakes, fair fries, cotton candy... mmmmm. THe baby was pretty darned funny with the cotton candy. He gets so excited and his little hands open and close and go up and down and it's so funny and cute.

I can't wait until this tube comes out and I can get an actual shower! What a concept! That Veet stuff works great if anyone was wondering, and should you find yourself in a position of not being able to shower and still desiring to remain un-hairy.

All right, enough for now, I'm getting back to my variety puzzles. I'm in fairly good spirits tonight, and hopeful that I'll be home in a day or two and even more hopeful that I'll be ready to be there.

I haven't had much of an appetite for the past several weeks, really, and I've lost quite a bit of weight as a result. Not a bad thing, but I often have to force myself to eat anything at all, and even then I've had recurrent nausea that keeeps me from my nourishment. With the illness and the breastfeeding, I'm thinking I need nourishment, so I'm hoping the meds kick back in again (the steroids, primarily) and whip up this appetite.

However, I'm not worried because TODAY hubby will stop at the fair on his way home, next county over, and bring me some of my favorite beloved fair foods! In a few short hours I will have corn dogs, funnel cakes, elephant ears, cotton candy, italian sausage... hmm what else sounds good??? Hubby is having a fit because I'm making him pay to walk inside the fair and buy all this food and bring to me, but hey, I'm sick and need my food right? I do love fair food and I'm thinking that despite the fact that it's not very healthy, I'm in simple need of calories and FOOD at the moment and should take whatever sounds good. That's my excuse for this time, and I'm sticking to it.

Anything I'm forgetting from the fair food list? Aw jeesh I can't wait!

I survived the heparin last night, but I swear it was half that amount when they came to give it again this morning. I'm not making this shit up! But it's okay, I'm surviving... for now.

My middler is having a birthday next Friday, he's going to be SEVEN whole years old! Who can believe it's been that long? That means seven years and a couple of weeks since I started grad school and moved away from this place. If I'd have known it then I would have never believed my life would have headed this direction and I'd be back living in the same house with a new husband and 2 more kiddies. What craziness. I can't complain though.

The beepies are at bay for now, so I'm trying to keep a positive outlook. It's been at least 45 minutes since I burst into tears for no apparent reason, so maybe it's working. I had a little walk, and a little nap, and one of my nursing instructors came in to see me and fill up my dilaudid for me. She's working here today, go figure. She's one of the sweet ones, and I like her a lot.

All right, back to my regularly scheduled dilaudid program, I hate getting behind on the button because it means I'm going to be hurting in a short while. Kind of wish they'd switch me to some pills so I could stop with the button already, but I guess I'll take what I can get. Still no news from Mayo clinic, but I'll be posting again when there's news or when I'm bored or whatever.

Is it Friday? I think it is. Someone mentioned it being Friday the 13th today, and if so then that means it's my older sister's birthday. I know she doesn't read here, but happy birthday anyway! We don't speak anymore, actually. She got in a big ole fight with my parents and stopped speaking to everyone. Never did understand why I was on that list, but they were more the type to only call when they wanted something anyway so more power to them I guess. Still, I heard through the grapevine that she's pregnant and I know how much she wanted that, and so I wish her well on this birthday and a happy and healthy pregnancy for her and her little one. If you hadn't written me off sis, I have so much baby and maternity stuff to donate. But alas, it will go to the homeless shelter and someone will be grateful for it.

Speaking of babies, my littlest guy's first little tooth popped through while I was in here! Okay, I'm happy it popped through because he was a grouch about it and I know it was uncomfortable for him, but dagnabit I missed it. And now he's so cute with his one-tooth grin. Not that he wasn't cute before with his toothless grin, but now he's got a little toother down there! And he's less whiny and grouchy, so yay for that.

I'm also a little less whiny and grouchy this morning, although it has little to do with my teeth. FIrst and foremost, the beepies have not struck yet this morning. ONe alarm started to beep, but my RN was in the room when it happened and bless her, she fixed it before she lert. I'm still in an awful lot of pain with breathing this morning, but at least I feel halfway rested. I did actually get some sleep last night. And I did hallucinate a little bit. I keep remembering waking up with some silly thoughts, realizing how silly they were, and going back to sleep. That's okay, I can live with that. Problem would be I guess not realizing they were silly and trying to act on silly thoughts. But we're okay for now. Ambien is my new friend.

That's about all for now, breakfast will be around shortly and I sure don't want to miss out on those... french toast sticks? (bleck) that we're having today. I'm sure there'll be more update later, when I know something.