i'm back in the stupid hospital! However, this time i brought my mom's laptop so i can stay somewhat connected to the world. Yay for that. I didn't realize they had wireless internet available in all the rooms here, so I've been suffering needlessly. At least where internet is concerned.

So, anyway, I went back to not breathing again. Not a pleasant sensation. I also am on the verge of getting kicked out of nursing school for missing too many clinicals. I can miss class, but only a limited number of clinicals. The director of the program actually asked me to drop, but I'm holding out as long as possible hoping I'll get better enough to make it through the next 7 weeks and recover over the summer. I'd hate to set myself back a year and change for 7 short weeks, know what I mean? I will if my health won't cooperate, but I'm optimistic despite being laid up again... or still.

I've got 3 doctors on the case at the moment, so I have reason for optimism. This time when i came back in it seems my kidney function was quite bad, so the ER dr. and the lung dr. thought perhaps I have lupus or rheumatoid arthritis or some other autoimmune disorder that was attacking both my lungs and my kidneys. However, I talked to an internal med specialist and a kidney specialist who both seem to think that my kidney function was related to a recent change in blood pressure meds combined with the recent ct scan dye... anyway, we're watching my kidneys for a day or two and hopefully that will be improving. Meanwhile, the lung specialist wants to do an open biopsy of my lungs, but the other drs don't see the point in that much, so I'm thinking about declining that as long as possible. That's a pretty involved, not to mention painful, procedure, and they've already done a biopsy from a bronchoscopy so I don't really know what they hope to find... There were no masses, no cancer, no abnormalities other than 2 lungs full of inflammation, so I don't know what an open biopsy will tell me. So no thanks for now.

They came a little while ago and took 13 tubes of blood for more testing, so hopefully something will come back with SOMETHING of an answer. I'm just hoping for a definitive diagnosis, because somehow I don't think I'm going to get better without one. If they can't find anything by about Tuesday then they plan to transfer me out to the university hospital 2 hours from here so I can be a guinea pig for some student dr's since I obviously have something so obscure and rare that it can't be diagnosed by usual measures. Let's hope it doesn't come to that and I get a whole lot better over the next few days. I'll keep you posted.

Yes, I'm still sick! I keep thinking I'm getting better, but really I'm still quite down and have a hard time breathing if I do more than walk across the room. I almost got kicked out of the nursing program because my dr. almost didn't release me for clinicals. It took a hysterical phone call with me telling him that he was ruining my life if he wouldn't release me and he finally decided I was well enough to go back to school.

So classes started back last week, but I've been too out of it to do more than go to class, read what I'm supposed to read (if that), and go to bed. I'm in psych nursing this time, along with my regular nursing class, and that's proving to be interesting.

I had another run-in with the giant spiders from the basement, and terminex is on the case. I'm having a really difficult time sleeping at night because all that gunk in my chest tries to loosen up and I wake up coughing non-stop... So a few nights ago, around 4 a.m., I woke up and headed downstairs for a drink and there was one of those HUGE, gargantuan, giant-sized spiders right on my desk! Really, in my half-asleep, groggy, drugged (Nyquil) state of mind I laughed because I was quite certain that one of the kids had played a joke on me. I mean, no way was there one of THOSE GUYS sitting right on my desk like he owned it. Of all the places in the house to be, why oh why would one of THOSE GUYS pick my desk???!!!

But alas, it was no joke and hubby had to get out of bed at 4 a.m. to come squash it for me (poor guy, he did so without complaint and only a small comment that this one was the biggest one yet and made a very satisfying crunch when squashed). I called terminex the next morning, and they have assured me that whatever they planted all around the house will deter said monsters from inhabiting my house and will run them back to the woods from whence they came. Let's hope, I can't live with those guys, they really freak me out.

At any rate, I'm still a little worn down and still out of breath; not quite myself and my house is a disaster area because I'm still delegating, but oh well. We're getting there, slowly but surely, and soon I'll have the summer off from school to recover and hopefully allow my house to recover as well.

Never been so sick in all my life, I do declare! Went back into the hospital Tues. night last week, and just got out again. Some really, really nasty pneumonia and they just don't know what's causing it and how to treat it. Just can't keep my oxygen levels up, and really it feels like there's an elephant on my chest. Well, actually I am starting to feel better, so it's more like a large dog now...

Classes started back up today, but obviously I couldn't go. I'm hoping to find my teachers and hoping they'll be understanding and hopeful I won't get too far behind or have to put myself back too far. I spent my entire spring break in the hospital pretty much, and I didn't get a THING done from that list of stuff I was going to accomplish! Ah well, it'll still be there come summer break, right?

I'm a little loopy still from the drugs, so forgive my rambling and/or incoherent nature at the moment. Back to the dr. in the morning to check my oxygen again and see if I get to stay at home for a while. I was getting really depressed in that stupid hospital so long, missing everyone and just being isolated. And losing my milk despite pumping every chance I had (hopeful I'll be able to continue to breastfeed now, but I'm not sure yet). Now I just have to cut myself off and rely on help from hubby/kids/mom way more than I'm comfortable with, because I simply CAN'T do the things that need done, and I refuse to go back in that stupid place again if I can help it. So I'm being very lazy for the moment and really paying attention to how I feel and how much I can comfortably do. It's a challenge to not do stuff and ask for help, but it's a new skill I'm working on and getting better at. I simply have to.

Well, there's the update from here for now. Kiddies are scattered, some with their dad and some with my mom and I have only the baby here with me while hubby is gone. Normal will be back soon enough I suppose...

I've beeen back in the hospital for a week or so but I'm home again now. I'll update later when I'm less weak.

Well, you are are now thoroughly behind, that's all there is too it. I should also mention a tiny disclaimer before going any further that I am in fact on some rather potent prescription medications. Needed medications. So forgive me in advance while I try to catch up here...

Thurs. after getting the kiddies (all 9) off to school, I started to have a mild case of the sniffles. I told my mom/sis that if the kids got sick to blame me because I could feel the cold coming on. Friday had me a low grade fever and chest congestion, much feeling yucky. And Saturday landed me with an elephant on my chest. Or at least that's what it felt like. Not pleasant. I tried my best to take care of the kiddies and hubby, and actually did not too bad a job until the wee hours of the morning Sunday. I couldn't take it any more at that point and called an ambulance.

I was admitted through the ER with O2 saturation levels of 77% . They diagnosed me with viral pneumonia of unknown etiology (they don't know which virus caused it) but I have been ONE SICK PUPPY! They were nice enough to give me a private room so I could pump milk for the baby, but that's 4 days in the hospital I'm just coming off of! No wonder my house looks so beautiful! My mom has been great about helping with all the kids, and she still has them tonight while hubby is at work. AND she brought me home from the hospital.

I'm still quite a bit under the weather, very (VERY) sore from the coughing and such (hence the strong prescription medications) and I'm under strict orders from the lung doctor to do basically nothing until about Monday. I hope hubby will come through for me here with the kiddies, but if not I will not hesitate to call my mom to come take them for a while. This was NOT a fun vacation and I am NOT in a hurry to do it again anytime soon.

Anyway, there you have it... I'm on the upswing but still a little down. I'll be "normal" in a few days I suppose!