Just ugh. So I got my boys back and things have been just running along. I had a follow up appointment with the Big University Pulmonologist on Thursday, and a repeat of my pulmonary function tests (pfts) and such.

It wasn't good. My pfts are somewhat lower than they were four months ago, which should not have happened given the drugs I'm currently taking. That pulmo seems to think that perhaps they overlooked something in the biopsy and he is leaning toward a diagnosis of a particular (rare) type of cancer called bronchoalveolar adenocarcinoma. Of course the only way they can dx this for certain is to repeat the open biopsy. You know, the one that landed me in ICU and left me with a 20-something day hospital stay last summer? Yeah, that one. I'm not in a hurry to sign up for that again. Especially to get a dx like that. I'll just sit in denial a little longer thankyouverymuch.

So, I did tell him no thanks to the surgery at this time, and he agreed to try another drug for four months first. It's an immunosuppressant, usually used for transplant recipients to shut down the immune system and lower the chances of rejection. I started it yesterday.

He did also mention that this particular type of cancer is the only lung cancer that they will still consider a lung transplant for, as it does not usually metastasize. However, he said that whatever I have, it is throughout both lungs and not treatable via surgery (even if it is cancer).

So I've been back here with all the kids and trying to keep a brave front and a happy face and it is freaking HARD. I have four months to decide on the surgery. Let's hope the move will help, or the new meds will help, or both, and by the time four months are up there will no longer be any question that I am indeed getting better.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to stay positive, but I'm trying.

Today has been a very anxious kind of day. They are arriving at the airport at 6:00 this evening, which means I have to leave home around 4:00. Which means that I had to get up and get the others ready and off to school and now I have a whole bunch of time to kill before 4:00 rolls around. I've managed to get the house pretty clean, not much left to do around here, and I'm just surfing the 'net killing time.

Don't know what to do with myself today, I've got about four more hours to kill...

Let me see if I can make this work, because I really want to share the love. This has to be the funniest picture ever, truly. This is from a week or two ago when I took the middle two to an amusement park, and this was my 8yo's first time on this particular coaster. It's the longest, fastest wooden coaster in the world (or so the picture frame says). You can't really see me in the pic thanks to the guy in front, but it really isn't necessary for me to be in the picture. Anyway, here you go:

Four more days to go, and they will all be home again! Wooohoooo! I took a load of stuff to the new house, and they have my kitchen almost finished. It looks really nice, and I am so excited and can't wait to get moved.

But before that, I can't wait to have my babies back home! School starts next week so things will be a little hectic, but it will be nice to be back to (our version of) normal. I talked to both little ones on the phone yesterday, and OMG I miss them soooooo much! My 4yo, before he left, didn't like to speak Greek all that much. Although hubby only speaks Greek at home so they all understand it, he (4yo) pretty much refused to speak it. Now, when I was on the phone to him yesterday, he refuses to speak English! His Greek was sooooooooo good, no accent or anything! And every time I said something to him in English, he replied with, "Ti? Ti, ti, ti?" (What, what, what?) I asked him if he forgot English and he replied (in Greek), "No but I speak Greek now!"

And the baby was rattling on and on about swimming and grandma and the sea... all in Greek. I'm actually pretty happy about that, as I think learning two languages from birth is probably much easier than trying to learn a second language as an adult (which is what I had to do!) Children aren't self conscious about making mistakes or sounding silly like adults are, and I think they'll appreciate being bilingual when they get older. My older three understand (some more than others) but the oldest two especially started their journey into Greek much later and have a serious disadvantage.

The yard sale was pretty successful and I got rid of sooooooo much stuff! Still, I think I'll have to do it again before I move. I cannot believe the amount of stuff we have accumulated. It is ridiculous. I would much rather just call Goodwill to come and get most of the stuff, but my mom had so much fun helping me at the last one that she really wants to do it again, and so I guess I'm going to humor her and have one more before moving. Really, we don't need the money (although I won't turn it down!) and I could do without the hassle and I am really, really tired of looking at the stuff, but she is one to make a buck if you can (and who can blame her for that, really?) so she's convinced me to try once more. In the meantime, if someone comes along and asks me for any of this stuff, I will happily give it to them.

I hate the being in limbo part of moving. Like these next few weeks. When I can't pack up certain things because we need them right up until move time. And the house is completely destroyed because there are boxes upon boxes upon boxes stacked in every corner, and everything is such a mess. Yeah, I hate that and can't wait to be past that stage.

In back to school news, I had my daughter last week and took her school clothes shopping and spent a small fortune. School clothes are outrageous! My ex bought for my middle son, and my teenager is doing virtual school this year so he agreed to wait a few weeks so finances can recover.

That's about all for today, I'm going to get back to the packing and cleaning. I have to make it look like I've actually *done* something all these weeks that hubby and kids have been gone!

I didn't realize that I hadn't updated for two whole weeks! Shame on me! And here I sit with all this spare time on my hands . Actually, I went to visit my friend in NY for a few days and had a GREAT time! Hanging out with no agenda for a few days was freaking awesome, as was the company. She sent some plants back with me to go to my new house, so I got my daughter and we went to said new house to welcome the plants to their new home. We got most of them in the ground, but a few will have to wait because I simply ran out of air. Hate it when that happens (and it still does occasionally, but mostly less often these days).

Then, I got the middle two (daughter and 8yo son) and took them to Kings Island for the day and we had a BLAST! I will have to revisit the how to post pictures tutorial and see if I can get up this picture of my son. I do declare it to be the Funniest. Picture. Ever! It's one of those they take on the roller coasters, and it was his first time on this particular one which is the tallest and fastest wooden coaster in the WORLD (I think...) He kind of looks constipated. It is hilarious. I crack up every time I look at it.

Then I took them back to their dad and laid in bed recovering for a few days. Oh well, it was worth it and we have had so much fun! I'm almost glad I didn't go to Greece. In fact, when I think about it I am really glad I didn't go. I talked to hubby, and he mentioned how one night after dinner he was missing me, and he looked around the table he was sitting at and noticed every single person there was smoking. The kids were all inside, and all the adults outside. Not a single non-smoking adult. So yeah, guess where I'd be spending all my time? Yes, that is correct! Inside with all the kids! I'm sure that would have been a blast for me, right? I think I enjoyed my vacation a lot more by staying home and doing things with these kids and for myself.

In other news, our move date is now Oct. 1, which is good because I have more time to pack. I'm having a huge yard sale tomorrow (was supposed to do that last week but... and I'm getting rid of so much stuff! You're all invited, all clothes are a quarter each! I have an ab lounger (my mom donated it), 2 cribs, a car seat or two, high chair, VCRs, furniture, knick knacks, you name it! Special discount if you mention my blog . Shoot, I'd give the stuff away at this point just to be rid of it (and probably will do just that with whatever doesn't sell tomorrow!)

I'm excited about moving.

I'm not excited about the packing/unpacking.

I have an appt. with OSU specialist again at the end of August, and I'll get new pulmonary function tests and a new CT to see how the chemo meds are working. I suspect they'll be about the same as before. I don't feel better, but I don't feel worse so I guess they are doing their job. I can never get back the lung function that I lost to fibrosis, but hopefully I can stop the process in its tracks and keep from getting worse. Well, that's the idea anyway.

So there's your update for this week, and shame on me for not coming around more often! There have been a few days I didn't even turn on the computer, and I can hardly believe that myself. Hope you're all having a great summer!!