After my outrageous bp reading the other night I hoped I'd seen the last of it. It was not to be. The following morning, I started feeling very strange, and I was all of a sudden unable to use my left arm/hand at all. I couldn't get dressed, brush my hair, or carry the baby (for fear that I'd drop him). Went back to the ER where they transferred me to a bigger hospital 2 hours away. They determined that I suffered several small strokes. I have a follow up appt here in a few hours, and I hope they can determine the cause because right now the fear is that I'll have another, larger stroke and maybe not be so lucky. If there was any doubt that this was my last baby, this has sealed the deal! Oh what I'd give to feel normal again!

It's offifial, I have post-partum pre-eclampsia. I had this with toddler too, but it seems to be much worse this time. Last night landed me in the ER with bp of 198/89. No wonder I'm feeling like crud, huh? It's tough because the cure for pre-eclampsia is generally delivery, so what happens when you've already delivered? They've got me on some bp meds for now that are safe for breastfeeding, and I have to go see my OB later today to see if there's anything else that can be done. The good news is that it usually resolves on its own by 6 wks post-partum. I don't think I've ever felt so bad in my life, or had such a bad headache. I thought my head would explode! Pre-pg my bp usually runs low, always has (aside from the few weeks after toddler was born and it never got high enough then to need meds. So this is all new to me, and I have a newfound appreciation for anyone who has to go through life with high bp because it really makes you feel like crap! I had no idea. Thought it was supposed to be a silent killer, without symptoms! Oh no, they lied.

At any rate, that's where I'm at for now, waiting for the pharmacy to open and hopefully get back to feeling more "normal" (whatever that is). I'm tired of feeling bad, please forgive my whine!

I find no joy in the changing of the leaves, the falling temperatures, the impending cold... I believe I could really go for living in a tropical climate, and it would not depress me at all to do Christmas in shorts. I don't know how I survived Chicago those few years, but undoubtedly the weather contributed greatly to my hatred of that place. It's somewhat warmer here, and we hardly see any snow but it is still entirely too cold for my tastes. Hawaii? Yes, please. I suspect maybe I suffer a little from SAD, as I seem to get in this funk every year when the temperatures drop. I can't wait for spring, and I probably won't be in a peppy mood again until then. I hate getting up early to scrape the ice off the windshield of the car before I can even think about going anywhere. I hate the draft that comes in all around my too-old windows. I hate that the kids and I need 5 layers of clothing before venturing into the great outdoors (anyone realize how long it takes to bundle up five children? Yeah, we're staying home a lot!)

Baby is awake and hungry so I'll have to cut this short, but let me just say BAH HUMBUG I hate winter.

This is the new mantra of toddler. Funny, because I never suggested that baby's head was an appropriate place to be kissed; that was just his first reaction to his baby brother. "I can kiss his head?" It's very sweet and also very tiring, as poor toddler wants to kiss his head every 30 seconds regardless of whether baby is sleeping, nursing, or crying. I was worried that there might be some jealousy, but so far there seems to be none. It helps that hubby is not working right now and therefore can devote all of his time to toddler while the older ones are in school and mom is busy with baby. He's enjoying his daddy time. The weather has also been beautiful this week, so dad has taken him to the park several times before the cold sets in (tonight or tomorrow).

Baby and I are adjusting and trying to work out this nursing deal. I don't know why I always forget just how much they need to be attached to mama those first few weeks. I mean, you look forward to the end of pregnancy but alas, mama is still not free. Still, he is a good baby and is nursing very well (although frequently) and is generally content as long as he is fed. I've fallen in love all over again.

I dread the weather change that is coming tonight, I wish it could stay warm just a little longer! I suppose it has to be, and I'm thankful we had this week of 70 degree temps to bring baby home to, but still... Not looking forward to the actual December weather that is coming.

Our family Christmas party is on Sunday, which I look forward to and dread at the same time. It's always a really good time, but I hate having baby around all those relatives who think they need to hold him. Not to mention all the smokers that will be there polluting his little lungs. We probably won't stay long, but then the older kiddies will be upset because they truly enjoy the party and their cousins. Or I may bow out early (after all, I did just give birth and I'm tired!) and ask my mom to bring the older kiddies home later. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan!

I do not have my Christmas shopping done, and there is a very good possibility that any remaining gifts will be in the form of gift cards! I'm so not up for fighting the holiday crowds, especially with new baby in tow. There are too many germs out there lol. Better to just hibernate until New Years.

At any rate, we are all doing very well here and even toddler is adjsuting quite nicely. I'm getting plenty of rest and spending much of each day laying in bed with baby. I'm sleeping better than i have for months, despite having to wake up every few hours to nurse!

Baby was born Sunday morning at 5:45 a.m., weighing in at 7lbs1oz and with a whole head full of black hair. I'm still too tired to write much but wanted to post an update for those of you waiting to hear something! We're doing great and his brothers and sister love him to death.