I was just out in my garden, and those pictures really must have been from a couple of weeks ago because my plants are much bigger and not nearly as sad looking now. Well, maybe the peppers still look sad. I don't know why. Poor little peppers. They have their very own Yellow Power Ranger guardian, how can they be so sad and pathetic?

My eggplants are also very slow to grow up... I've never grown eggplant before so I don't really know what to expect from them but it seems like they are the same size they were when I planted them like a month and some change ago. The green peppers are doing well, and the corn is much bigger than those pictures portray. The watermelon are coming right along, and the strawberries are going crazy! I forgot to include pictures of them so you'll have to take my word for it. The tomatoes are growing up nicely too, so I'm looking forward to some yummy uncontaminated tomatoes in my summer forecast.

Today has really been a rough day emotionally. I don't know why some days everything seems to get to me, and some days I'm just fine. I guess that's just the nature of the beast but I hate when I'm snippy and depressed and short with everyone. I really make every effort not to be. I guess no one is happy and chipper all the time, but it would be nice wouldn't it? At any rate, I had a little nap and felt a little better so the evening has been a little smoother than the early part of the day. I'm still looking forward to bedtime tonight.

I wanted to share some garden pictures...



The tags from photobucket don't stay, unfortunately, and I'm just happy I can figure out how to get a picture in here. Note the sad peppers, the happy weed, and the poor yellow Power Ranger (guess who's been helping Mom in the garden?)


Cabbages and lettuces and chards, oh my!


This one is actually a few weeks old, and has the corn and watermelon in there somewhere... they're much bigger now.


My youngest two.

I feel sorry for her, truly I do. I broke the news to both her and teenager today that I thought it likely that we'd be moving at summer's end. She threw a much bigger temper tantrum than the teenager did. I understand where she's coming from and all that, but really she could use a little maturity. Sometimes I just wish she'd quit with all the negativity and quit telling me why I'm going to regret doing abc or xyz (because she's usually wrong anyway) and just say, "Oh? Good for you!" Guess that wouldn't be her style.

Today has been pretty good anyway. I took the middle ones to their dad's for the week this morning, think I get them back on the 19th or 20th or somewhere around in there. I guess that's a little more than a week, huh? At any rate, I hung out in the back yard with the youngest two after hubby left for work, and we played in the pool and had a grand ole time. Then teenager came home, so I went ahead and told him about the moving potential and made sure to describe his new room in great detail and point out how close it is to the mall where I'm sure dozens if not hundreds of teenage girls must hang out... He warmed up to the idea pretty quickly, really.

Now if only the house would pack itself...

I was so rattly and yucky last night, I hate nights like that because it's hard to get to sleep. My brain doesn't want to shut down when I can hear my chest rattle with every breath. These are the nights when Benadryl is my friend. I'm feeling better this morning, and considerably less rattle-y so I'm hopeful I'm on the mend (again) and will have a good day.

The kids want to go swimming, sure to be a recurring theme this summer, and I might just take them! Hubby is not working this weekend, no tournament to go to for once, so if the sleepyheads ever get out of bed we might just pack a picnic lunch and find a nice, cool, blue tub of water somewhere. I was thinking about this as I woke up this morning, and thinking back to a year ago at this time. I think I was in the hospital for about the sixth time of 2007 at this time last year, and I still hadn't done the open lung biopsy. They still had no clue what was wrong, why I wasn't getting better, and I was having a very difficult time functioning at all.

This summer, at least I'm somewhat functional and can enjoy the lovely (hot, humid) weather with the kids rather than sitting in a stupid hospital room watching the world go by outside the window. I keep thinking about last year and I can't believe how bad I felt then in comparison to now. I have to remind myself of that on my bad days, because I am better than I *was* at least, even if I'm not where I'd like to be.

Think I will try to take the kidlets to the wave pool or something today, they'll have a blast which will make me happy, and if I'm tired at the end of the day at least I'll have a good reason for it!

I need to pull myself up out of a funk again, and remind myself why I need to stay positive and optimistic. Any help out there? I thought I was feeling okay, a little more winded that normal but you know I have ups and downs, peaks and valleys, so figured I was in a valley and I'd be back up next week right? Well not so much. Turns out I have pneumonia. I had a chest xray and bloodwork done yesterday in preparation for my pulmo appt. today, and both are in agreement with the diagnosis of pneumonia. He wanted to admit me, but said we could probably manage it outpatient since I'm not feeling bad (comparatively, I've felt much worse). So I'm on some really potent antibiotics and I'm supposed to call and go in if I feel worse at all or sound like I'm breathing any worse at all. Otherwise I can stay home and on my oxygen, which ruins my plans for the weekend and is really cramping my style.

The real blow, however, came toward the end of the doctor visit when he said that if the chemo type drugs don't start helping soon then maybe we need to start talking about transplant in the near future. I'm just not ready to go there, and I don't *feel* like I'm anywhere NEAR bad enough to think about transplant. The statistics for lung transplant recipients are not that great quite honestly. I feel more optimistic at this point taking my chances with this disease. Now that is subject to change if/when the disease progresses and my functioning is lessened, but for now I'm good. Sure there are plenty of things I can't do, but there are plenty more that I can, and I enjoy most of every day! I'm getting some good, quality time in with my kids and I don't take that for granted. It would be nice to walk around the block without becoming winded again, sure, but for now I *can* still walk around the block ya know?